Colder Than A MOTHER-in-law's Heart!

It's not right.   I put up with all that crappy weather in the Midwest for a couple of hundred--okay twenty--years and now I'm freezing in Southern California.  What gives?!  I never even saw a palm tree until I was twenty.  It was an epiphany to a young man who had never questioned the bleak "pencil sketch" winters of the frozen and dusty plains.  Toasty warm temperatures and mellow ocean breezes were the province of foreign shores.  Maybe Florida had some beaches and lakes that didn't turn to ice in December but they also had snakes, gators, and bugs to contend with.  I figured that my future was to be found somewhere north of the Mason/Dixon Line.  It would be my destiny.

Who digs this?  Uh…NOBODY!

Then, I came to my senses!

Sleeping on the ground through a couple of winters in Kansas while stationed with the Army's First Infantry Division convinced me that warmth was a condition I wanted to bask in for oh…THE REST OF MY LIFE!   When I returned to civilian life, there would be no more frostbite or shivering for this American!  Florida was calling my name. 

My wife and I spent nearly six years in the Sunshine State and, in spite of the bugs, thought it the ideal place to be.  There were cold snaps and infrequent freezing temperatures that seldom lasted more than a day or two but the summers were brutal.  I decided that no place is perfect and, with the help of air conditioning, getting through the heat of summer was still much easier than putting up with winter.  Then we moved to California.

Taking a job in San Diego most often results in a couple of outcomes.  First of all, hardly any job lasts forever and second,  nobody ever wants to leave.  The place is loaded with former Navy personnel, bio tech hotshots, hedge fund guys, pro athletes, golfers, and entertainers who would rather take a job driving a bus than move away.  In spite of high taxes, home prices and an escalated cost of living in general,  it remains about as close to paradise as you can get.    Well……

At least until yesterday, it was damn near perfect.   Suddenly it is COLD in San Diego.

What's going on?  Where is this global warming I've been hearing so much about??  Turn up the thermostat!  It was 37 degrees on our patio this morning and it'll be even colder tonight.  Who do I see about this?  Is there some kind of money back guarantee?  This is not right!  I don't know if we even have enough blankets!  (OH, good.  My wife says we do.)  Whether it's age or there is something to that "your blood gets thinner in warm climates", I know I can't take the cold like I did when I was a kid.  Never again will I douse my head with water,  then comb my hair into an impressive pompadour before running outside to freeze the "do".  A stunt like that would kill me in 2013.  Also, the lack of hair on my present day dome sort of defeats the purpose.

I'm sharing this for no other reason than a feeble attempt to stay warm.  (Just so you know, typing doesn't seem to do it.)   Also, I wanted to save you the trouble of packing up and moving to what some locals refer to as "America's Finest City".  No, today I'm thinking "Minneapolis by the Sea" would be more apropos.   It's colder than Dick Clark's wallet outside.  (Of course he took it with him.)

I wonder if the fireplace in the family room works?  Maybe we could bust up some of that furniture in the guest room.  You're not coming to visit.   Are you?