Tonsorial Timing

Curly was ahead of his time.

I'm not really sure when I started losing my hair.  As a kid I always thought it would be a horrible tragedy to be sans a top mop and vowed to be first in line for a toupee' should my hair hit the hirsute highway.  Both grandfathers and my dad waved good-bye to their locks by the time they clocked forty and for no good reason I thought myself immune.

Others had warned me that baldness is stealthy.  All of a sudden you catch a glimpse of yourself in a downtown store window and wonder who that man is.  Later, when looking at pictures of Christmas or your kid's birthday, you're asking about the identity of the "bald guy" only to realize it's YOU.

Maybe you give the hair piece ploy some consideration or, more likely, you decide that the dome is chrome and a "hair hat" will fool nobody who matters.  After all, they have obviously been more aware of your ever expanding forehead than you have and, since you're already married, you don't need it anymore.
"I'm over fifty.  Who cares!" becomes your mantra.

Timing is everything.  These days it's cool to be bald.  Guys of my generation prone to male pattern baldness are accidentally in STYLE.  Most of us don't even own a comb anymore.  Heck, I merely run a little clipper over my cranial holdouts a couple of times a month and have probably saved enough money to open my own hair salon.  Sunscreen is the only "product" needed at my summit in this century.  PLUS, and this is a big one, a recent piece in the Wall Street Journal exclaims, "Bald is Powerful".   "A buzzed head can be masculine,  a touch aggressive and, as a new study suggests, an advantage in business." the article explains as it offers examples of company leaders who enjoy the business advantage of being bald and bold.  "People remember the bald guy."

I'm seriously considering a hostile takeover next week.  A bar maybe?  No, wait,  that's a bad idea.  Make it a Dairy Queen.

All bald guys look like movie stars.

So, I think we can all agree, it's a great time to be bald.  Baby boomers of the Y chromosome persuasion have never had it so good when it comes to follicle impairment.

Since pretty much every situation in life is a trade-off, it's only fair that I bring up skinny jeans and Speedos.  Zero percent of bald dudes over fifty look good in either.  Don't even think about it.  Although, you might want to think about it if you're trying to scare yourself in to losing about fifty pounds.  Put simply, it  AIN'T RIGHT.

Speaking of something utterly NOT right for the planet:  The new NFL jerseys have created a league of 300-pound fashion victims.  Have you seen them?

The league switched from Reebok made jerseys to new tighter, sleeker Nike duds this year and the players are NOT happy.  Guts are hanging out from New England to Seattle and it isn't pretty.  Alex Boone, a 300 pounder who plays guard for the 49ers, says that when his wife first saw him in the new garb "she said, 'It looks like you ate a baby."  (a fat baby at that)

Maybe if the players are patient the spare tire look will become fashionable like baldness.  Or, better yet, get the union to insist that league attire feature Hawaiian shirts.

Bald heads and Hawaiian shirts, it's a good look.

"Does this jersey make me look fat?"