With a colonoscopy they are at least courteous enough to knock you out with one of those elephant tranquilizers before violating your nether regions. You know the drill, (pun intended), like a dying star beginning a wobbly decent into the void, doctors recommend--nay insist--on a colonoscopy to probe the southern end of your inner being. And, like a college fraternity pledge with a homecoming weekend date, sedation is helpful. Better living through chemistry I believe they call it.
Having been a traveling fool of late I think that, just as it is with the old roto rooter routine, air transportation may be enhanced by the administration of a package of heavy sedation. It is after all a true PAIN IN THE ASS TO FLY! From the TSA pre-boarding feel up to the excruciatingly uncomfortable ride there is genuine torture a plenty when taking a plane ride in 2012.
WHY??!!!
It's not as if the airlines are making money. Sir Richard Branson, the daddy of Virgin Air, once explained that the quickest way to become a millionaire is to begin with a billion dollars and then get into the airline business.
It wasn't always thus. I recall my first plane ride. It was a BIG DEAL. People, me included, dressed up. We didn't all look like we were in the middle of washing the car and suddenly Baltimore seemed a good idea. In those days you could smoke and the food and drinks were free. It was heaven to fire up a Lucky Strike and slam down the first of fifteen or twenty Old Fitzgerald's as the bird began to taxi for takeoff. I recollect the plane landing at our destination around 7:15 PM and me a couple of hours later. Good times!
So here it is, another million dollar idea lined up just for you: Please, SOMEBODY, develop a business plan that offers air travel providing complete and carefree heavy sedation from my front door to my final destination. There are plenty of fliers with credit cards at the ready just waiting to book fare. We will PAY UP to be knocked out and transported in air-conditioned unconscious comfort and or splendor to anywhere and everywhere a limp and compliant body can be shipped.
I'm already counting backward. Nurse, turn on the joy juice and wake me when we're there!
10, 9, 8…….ZZZZZZZZZZ
BAM! ZOOM! TO THE MOON!
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