Now that the portly gentleman from New Jersey has officially expressed no interest in saving the country from the current empty suit hiding behind the curtain at that big land of OZ headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue, it's time for action. We have gone far too long without a leader who knows how to wear the big boy pants and pick up a spare when the team needs it on league bowling night. The man for the job? Ralph Kramden of 328 Chauncey Street in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn New York. A loyal husband, dedicated friend, hard working driver for his boss, Mr. Cunningham at the MTA, and a longtime officer in the Loyal Order of Raccoons (where an emergency meeting is an emergency meeting--never a poker game... an executive meeting, now that's a poker game.) Ralph Kramden knows how to live large on a salary of $62 per week. (He hasn't had a raise in more than fifty years.) Mr. Kramden is a man of BIG ideas as well as size XXXL Sansabelt pants. He is just what America needs to get back on track. Unlike the current occupant of the White House, whose poll numbers are dropping like a melon off an overpass, Ralph Kramden is the 500 pound lowland gorilla (literally) we need to tackle the nation's problems. He will embrace our problems with vigor and will not quit until they are vanquished. (As you know, when a gorilla decides to embrace someone or something, it ain't over until the gorilla thinks it's over.)
future Vice President Edward Norton
After his nomination and most certain election in 2012 Mr, Kramden can begin implementing his ideas and complete the selection of his cabinet members. Outside of manditory bowling leagues and ten cent beer nights, there will be no requirements regarding Raccoon headgear. Raccoon lodge membership will be optional for adult males with compensatory time off guarenteed for attendance at bi-monthly executive meetings. (Coonskin caps required)
Candidate Kramden has asked upstairs neighbor and best friend, Ed Norton, to be his running mate and Mr. Norton as accepted with the condition that he still be able to maintain his day job with the City of New York department of sanitation. "Sometimes a man has gotta follow the smell of a dream," remarked Mr. Norton. Norton's wife Trixie has been tapped as secretary of snacks and prizes. All other cabinet and czar positions will be abolished and operational funds will be returned to taxpayers.
Alice Kramden, the future president's wife of many years, is slated to head NASA.
If you don't know why, you're too young to be reading this blog.
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