Messin' With an OLD Friend

 I see that they're rejiggering Jack.  Jack Daniel's that is.  The two of us are on a first name basis because of the roughly thirty years we were an item.  Though now as dry as a New Yorker cartoon, there was a stretch, (1969-99) where I consumed enough of the delicious and genuine rectified bust head to have purchased a vacation home, a boat, my own personal valet, the gross national product of Balize, and a couple of Corvettes.
 What can I say?  I was thirsty.  It's reasonable to assume that Jack had to layoff some folks back in '99 when I jumped off the crazy train.
Maybe that's the reason for all the changes.

You haven't heard?

Here's the deal:  The company that now owns Jack Daniel's Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey has decided on an update of the famous Jack label.  For years sensible and NOT so sensible whiskey drinkers have been reading the venerable black and white script detailing the vital statistics of the elixir supreme.  Here it is:

"Jack Daniel's Old Time, Old No. 7 Brand, Quality Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey, Distilled and Bottled by Jack Daniel Distillery, Lem Motlow, Proprietor, Lynchburg (Pop. 361) Tenn. U.S.A., Est. & Reg. in 1866"


  Now, the corporate types at Brown-Forman Corporation of Louisville, Kentucky want to get rid of the population figures for Lynchburg and lose good old Lem Motlow.  It apparently troubles them that Lynchburg now sports a populace somewhere North of 6000 , has no big box stores, and--MOST important--is a DRY town.  You can make whiskey in Lynchburg but you can't sell it.  Okay...fine.

But LEM MOTLOW????!!!!  Lem inherited the distillery from his Uncle Jack in 1911 and his name has been on the bottle ever since.  Hell, they kept his name on the bottle even after he shot a man on a train while drunk back in 1924.  (He was acquitted of murder--the guy probably had it coming.)  Lem died in 1947 and his sons took over until they sold out to the bean counters at Brown-Forman.  No doubt the boys were promised that "everything would stay the same".  That's how corporate behemoths roll.

I guess this wouldn't be such a big deal if they hadn't lowered the proof of the whiskey a couple of years back.  (Who does THAT?!)  Now, after a few bracing pops of good ol' Jackie Dee a veteran boozer can still actually read the label and be outraged at the sacrilege.  Before the proof reduction you were pretty much guaranteed to be too hammered to read anything.

I still have dreams about hijacking a truckload of Jack.  Lem is at the wheel and his name is on every bottle.  I just know he's saving me a prime spot at that big saloon in the sky.

Also good on pancakes!