Life's Endless Seminar

I realize that most people my age probably figured this out years ago...

You really DO learn something every day.

Most mornings as I emerge from the ether and note the time and my whereabouts, I often reflect on something new that has managed to penetrate my skull.   Often it is a new word or a word that I finally got around to looking up in the dictionary after years of thinking I had grasped its meaning from context.  Or, more often than not, it is the knowledge of how to fix something like a sprinkler head in the back yard, the kind of thing I used to call somebody to fix because I was too busy "working".  (Retirement from goofing around is not an easy transition.)

My dad used to tell me that I always learned things the hard way.  He was right.  From sticking forks in electric sockets to falling in the lake because I got too close to the edge,  or eating yard snails because it was cheaper than a trip to France, it was never enough for me to hear about it, I HAD to DO it to etch it on my frontal lobe.

My daughters were much better learners than I.  It's probably safe to say that most females fare better at listening to advice than males.  Although, I do remember youngest daughter, Katie, having to learn
the hard way about speed, cars, and traffic tickets.  Come to think about it, she was a bit slow on the uptake regarding booze and bad companions.  A chip off the old block.
Never mind.

As time passes I think we all get better at this, but it's those first fifty years or so that leave their mark.   With that in mind I will make an effort to pass on as many of life's truisms to my grandson, Dan, as I can so that he might be spared the time tested family tradition of learning everything the "hard" way.

A few of the gems I intend to impart as he enters his twenty-first month on the planet are these:


Never turn down an ice cream cone.

All politicians are dirtbags; liberal ones lie the most.


You'll never make money in airline stocks...NEVER.


Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.


Wall Street will take your money and their experience and turn it into their money and YOUR experience.


If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavour.


Life is made for people not encumbered by self awareness.


Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.


Opportunity knocks once...temptation leans on the doorbell.

Always in life's Top Ten...an ice cream cone.

When shopping for a car, always check the punches on the radio.  If they are all set to rock stations, the transmission is shot.


You should get bitter as you get older.  It shows you're paying attention.


Never give soup to a harelip horse.  

Food can be fun AND artistic.

Here are a couple more...

Always have a backup plan for dismounting.

I really feel good about helping this youngster get off to a good start.

If you have kids or grandkids who might benefit from some of these very fine life lessons, I am available for personal consultations and seminars.  (I have my own car and bail money.)