Home And Honked Off

Random rants from a week on the road...

So, shut down the damn government already!

Frankly all I want from the federal government is defense of the borders, mail delivery, and most important of all,  TO LEAVE ME ALONE!  I relish the thought of all "non essential" government employees, (like congress and the president), not showing up for work.  And, by the way, just WHY do we have ANY non essential employees on the federal payroll?

SHUT HER DOWN!

Also on my gourd today...

Air travel...SUCKS!  I have been in the air the past several days and it has finally reached the point where I truly believe that, given the choice, I would rather have another colonoscopy than get on a U.S. commercial airliner.  How have we managed to take what used to be an enjoyable mode of travel and morphed it into an airborne nightmare?  Don't get me wrong, I love a TSA pat down as much as the next guy and can't get enough of those security x-ray machines, but why is it necessary to completely undress and put everything in plastic boxes as we snake our way through mind numbingly long lines?  And, while I'm amped up here, have the geniuses running the Grace L. Ferguson Airline and Storm Door Company, given any serious consideration to charging passengers extra money to CARRY ON baggage instead of checking it?  Because most fliers are cheap, they refuse to pay $50 to check a bag and instead schlep fifty pounds of crap into rollaboards designed to hold ten pounds and then attempt to jam all of that into overhead bins with a capacity of an automobile glove box. 

airborne gas chamber

The "friendly" skies smell like cheese

AND....(you can tell I'm rolling now), why are the U.S. based airlines the worst in the world these days?  Other countries seem to have newer planes, better service, nicer looking flight attendants, (well, at least under 80), and don't STINK.  Most American carriers operate planes that smell like bad food, though they barely offer any, and outhouses.  After a welcome aboard whiff it's tough to tell if passengers,  scouting out the on board facilities,  just decide to pull the pin on an ass grenade right in their seat or maybe just whiz their pants because they're too lazy to climb over the tub of guts strapped in next to them.  Whatever the case, most planes are as lethal as the San Quentin gas chamber in its prime.  (Hmm, maybe California could save some dough by treating the boys on death row to a plane ride?)

If only you could roll down the windows!

Of course there is no need to roll down the windows if you choose to fly Southwest.  Their planes frequently offer a sunroof.

After my week filled with plane travel it felt good to be on the ground again in Southern California.  That is until I read the following in yesterday's paper:  "USC Researchers Say Pollution May Be Harming Our Brains".

Too many rats in the cage

WHAT???!!!

Apparently researchers looked at the smallest particles that are not visible to the naked eye but are found in air samples taken near major California freeways.  They exposed these particles to mice for a ten week period and the results showed brain damage in the little rodents which included memory loss and developmental disorders.  This, of course, confirms just what you always suspected about those of us who call Southern California home.  I concur.  

You might want to stock up on some vintage Tom & Jerry cartoons while you're at it.  If the USC research is to be believed, how much longer can Jerry continue to do his own stunts and outwit Tom in those very fine MGM productions?

There.

Glad that's off my chest.  Maybe it's just the particles talking.

Could somebody please open the sunroof?