What the hell has happened to dentists? Those guys, and now gals, you used to go see for check-ups and the occasional chopper related problem seem to be nothing more than traffic cops these days. If you need anything other than a routine cleaning or somebody to tell you not to brush "like you're killing snakes", well...you're out of luck.
All my life I have been one of those people who makes a dental pit stop twice a year mostly for the ego boost of hearing: "You really have nice teeth. How old are you anyway?" My wife hates me for this as she has had nothing but dental dread all her life. My teeth--bullet proof; hers--as fragile as Madonna's morals.
Imagine my surprise when last week I visited my local dentist because I, for a change, had been having some pain in a tooth somewhere...back there. First of all, this was demoralizing for a guy used to checking in for his "Atta boy!" every six months, but also for what I heard as the doc peaked into my gaping maw.
"This looks like either a root canal or an extraction. Let me get you a referral."
WHAT?? My mind was racing. "You can't take care of this here...and NOW?"
That's when I learned the modern day dental facts of life. Unless you are there for a check-up or cleaning, most dentists will send you to a co-conspirator who will do their dirty work for them. The bastards have figured out a way to charge you "a la carte" for what used to be an all inclusive not so Happy Meal.
Here's how it went for me: ( I have time for this as I rest and wait for the swelling in my jaw to subside.)
My regular dentist charges $67 to tell me that he can't fix my tooth and that I need to go see a root canal guy. The root canal guy tells me, "It will be $1385 to do this job." I reluctantly agree and get ready for some pain. Fifteen minutes into the root canal I'm told that "The root is cracked and further work is useless." Doctor Root Canal charges me ONLY $385 to tell me this and to recommend yet another doctor who actually owns a pair of pliers that, "GASP!", remove teeth. He tells me that he has called the "yanking dentist' and that I can see him tomorrow morning at seven. I am one lucky patient!
The very next morning I show up at Dr. Yank's tooth extraction emporium ready to rid myself of my ever more painful tooth. I spring for the upgrade to "laughing gas" because it IS Christmas and I haven't copped a buzz in years. In just a few minutes I'm whacked on nitrous oxide and minus a honking big toothache. Good job Dr. Yank!
And...he only charged me $300.
The swelling has gone down some since I started writing this rant and I must also confess that my sinuses have never felt better. But, I still want to know why I had to spend $752 and see THREE different doctors just to rid myself of a molar that turned on me.
Next time maybe I'll just head to a biker bar, find the biggest, meanest, nastiest guy in the joint and say something unkind about his mother. I'm sure the tab will be less than $200.
My younger brother, Steve, laughs at me from his home in Illinois. He'll have turkey tomorrow. He has yet to learn about today's dentistry.
The Tooth Dude abides.
No comments:
Post a Comment