WHO LOVES YA? Cats...or Dogs?

My neighbor, Jai, got himself a new dog.
He named him Duke. I figure I'm one lucky fellow to be living next door to a guy from Bombay who digs his adopted country enough to name his dog after the actor who single-handed won World War II without ever leaving Hollywood.
Cool dog. Just make sure that he takes care of business on the other side of the fence.
I like dogs...had a couple as a kid and made sure that we were a doggy family when my girls were growing up, but I can't say that I want another one. Oh sure, dogs are all over you with unconditional love and affection (not to mention drool), but they are so damn needy. Ron Rosen, a columnist for the New York Observer says, "The love of a dog means nothing. Zero. Dogs are the slavering sycophants, the slobbering indiscriminate flatterers, the bootlickers, the pathetic transparent brown-nosers of the domestic animal kingdom." They are "an easy lay emotionally". He is right.
Mans' best friend? When was the last time your "best friend" pinched a loaf in your backyard?!

Nope, no more dogs in my life. Fun to look at, "but you wouldn't want to own one" pretty much sums it up for me.

Cats I loathe...always have. The girls had two of them when they were around and both "Murray" and "Satchel" hated my guts. The good news is that they would actually leave the room when I would enter. Perhaps that's how they made it to kitty old age.
A friend of mine, "Willie the Moff", used to have a regular zoo at his house. There were dogs, cats, even horses that cost him a small fortune to maintain. Several years ago one of his cats needed some veterinary attention because of an abscessed tooth. Willie, being a man of thrifty Midwest ways, refused the vet's recommendation of a sedative for the cat prior to the necessary tooth extraction. ""The Moff" elected to hold the cat steady while the doc pulled the tooth. No sense in paying that extra fifty smackers to send Sylvester to "la la land" while he was in pain.
The cat starred malevolently at his master on the car ride home, no doubt plotting his revenge. Shortly after the return to "Moff Manor"the still hurting kitty left a steaming pile of cat disrespect in the Moff's newly purchased leather briefcase.
Cats are like that.


I see no pets in my future. Too much trouble. Even fish have a hassle quotient I'm not willing to put up with.
Turtles might be alright. If they croak on you, you've got a dandy looking ashtray. If you don't smoke...I've got nothin' for you.

A chicken might be fun.

We all know who to call if that doesn't work out.