In an effort to show a correlation between an NFL team's record and the blood alcohol content (BAC) of its fans, a recent study has determined that the Dallas Cowboys have the drunkest fans. Sporting a BAC of 0.062 the Cowboys fans do give the impression of paying attention to the Boys' current (4-5) record. Close behind are the New England Patriots faithful at 0.061, the Saints and Cardinals following at at 0.055 and Indianapolis checking in at the five slot with a BAC of 0.054.
For a number of reasons this study seems flawed to me. It makes no sense that New Orleans, for example, should be in anything other than first place. If you've been to the Big Sleazy you know that at any given moment fifty percent of the citizens of NOLA are hammered to the gills, Saints fans are often found disoriented miles from the Superdome days after the game. The Patriot fan base, largely of Irish extraction, often equivocates over whether to get drunk and fight or to fight and get drunk. It's the conundrum of the Olde Sod. Arizona Cardinals fans have a legitimate excuse for excess consumption considering that, as denizens of the desert, they are merely attempting to stay hydrated.
Calling Indianapolis home negates the need for Colts fans to explain.
A major puzzlement, at least to me, is the relatively low degree of inebriation demonstrated by the 49'r fans. Forget their horrible football team, San Francisco still deals with the stereo stigma of Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer representing Baghdad-by-the-Bay. 'Nuf said.
Buffalo Bills fans? Have you been to Buffalo?
New York Giants and Jets fans suffer not only from crappy team syndrome but also must endure high taxes and the dumbest mayor in the entire Eastern time zone. Crumbling infrastructure anyone?
And...why oh why, wouldn't the Redskin fan base be knee walking drunk 24/7? Sure the team is pretty good this year, but when you're knee deep in political poltroons? Come on!
Bartender, set 'em up!
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| Beered up Buffalo beefcake |
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