A while back a friend of mine posited that women are crazy because men are stupid. Care to guess the gender of the person who laid down that philosophical nugget? I guess it all depends on your definitions of both "crazy" and "stupid". It did seem a little CRAZY to me. But what do I know? I'm on team stupid!
Let's consider some of the evidence:
-If an invitation to a social gathering states that dress is "casual", a woman will fuss for hours in an attempt to come up with the cutest most perfect "outfit" for the event. Her clothes will actually look stylish. With no guidance, a man will arrive in the same duds he wore that afternoon to wash the dog.
-If lost, a woman will not hesitate to ask for directions. A man NEVER asks for directions! It simply isn't done! Of course women don't understand that men have a built in compass and gyroscope enabling us to always get to our destination...eventually. Women have become so distrustful of this innate ability that they have conspired with car manufacturers to install a disembodied female voice inside the dash of most new cars. "At your earliest convenience perform a legal U turn and point your stupid ass in the other direction!" (pure evil)
-Women know how to pack for a trip. A guy will load snacks, some old National Lampoons, a couple of t-shirts and some blended whiskey cleverly disguised as Listerine into his suitcase but forget underwear, a toothbrush and his razor. (I'll give you gals this one.)
-Females of all ages will go grocery shopping with a list. A male goes grocery shopping listless and sporting an appetite. Come on ladies, where's your sense of adventure??
-Women travel light when it comes to cash. They never seem to have any long green on their person. A fella will not leave home without some real dough in his pocket as it's impossible to determine when the opportunity to get a bet down, roll some dice or buy a round for some degenerate pals may arise.
-At the end of the day women hang up their clothes; men shed their attire on the way to bed. Following discarded clothing all the way to the bathroom the next morning saves time and energy, not to mention offering the chance to see if the discarded duds can pass the sniff test and be pressed into another day of service. (This is bottom line thinking at its finest.)
-Women remember birthdays, anniversaries and the ages of their children. Men aren't certain that they have children let alone know how old they are, but they do know that Mickey Mantle had a .298 lifetime batting average.
-Women like soup. All guys know that soup is a beverage and never a meal. It's also always too hot for human consumption. Soup is promoted to boys by their mothers who promise toasted cheese sandwiches in return for ingesting tomato or chicken noodle soup. We have never been fooled by this and try to avoid guzzling soups of all kinds once out of mom's striking range.
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| NOT a food, soup is a beverage. May be improved with vodka. |
It is becoming apparent as I begin to sort through these very real differences between the sexes that we may have only begun to scratch the surface of this problem. Perhaps it's even stupid of me to try to reconcile this vast gulf in attitude and performance. Maybe some real food (no soup) will help? Yes, that's the ticket! Some steak should enhance my thinking. I don't suffer from stupidity. I'm enjoying every minute of it. We guys may be morons but our food is far better, our lives simpler and we kind of enjoy being the catalyst for crazy. Viva la Y chromosome!
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| Real guy food. Just say NO to soup. |
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