This Calls For Drastic Action!

I'm in New York.  There is work to be done and I must do it.  The hideous and painfully dreadful Dodgers have dispatched the clueless and clumsy Cubs to seize the National League pennant; now  all that remains standing in the way of a Dodger/Yankee World Series is the upstart Astros.  I arrived yesterday in the city so big they had to name it twice and have been roaming the boroughs with a Mets cap on my balding pate just begging Yankee fans to take a swing.  I have no idea what would happen if they did, but it makes me feel good to be doing something completely stupid and pointless. 

That's right Yankee scum, I'm callin' you out!

The Queensborough Bridge as the sun sets on the Cubs

Please, no World Series here!

 Yankee fans are naturally in abundance in the Big Apple and they sport the smug and certain look I remember oh so well from the 1950's.  A Yankees/ Dodgers series is the moral equivalent of trying to decide whether to root for Hitler or Hirohito during World War II.  I refuse to participate!  A baseball pox on both of their dugouts!

Should the Astros fail to stop this miscarriage of sports justice tonight, I'll be at the White Horse Tavern in Greenwich Village ordering doubles and wearing my Mets cap.  Feel free to call, I'll be the guy next to Mr. Met.

NO, Not Again!

Baseball is always tough for me to let go of.  It's that last whisper of summer before the return of long cold nights, snow, rain and the holidays.  I cling to it like a life preserver.  Sure the games are getting way too long (Umps, call the high strike!) and it's hard to remember just what channels are broadcasting each  playoff game, but we eventually make it to the World Series.  There is something satisfying about witnessing the best millionaires money can buy competing at a level far beyond those of us less skilled.  Hell, I didn't even have a decent Little League career! 

The series is special, but this former scrub will NOT be watching if, as the Fox Network hopes, this year's big tilt comes down to a dance between the Dodgers and the Yankees.  I HATE THOSE TEAMS!  They ruined my childhood!  Growing up in southern Michigan in the 1950's meant that my baseball world revolved around the woeful Detroit Tigers who were always dependably out of the American League pennant race by Memorial Day.  When the Fall Classic rolled around it invariably seemed to be a Dodgers-Yankees shoot out and that was that.  My wife, like many non fans, thought that there were only two baseball teams in the whole country.  It was that bad.  The Yankees and the Dodgers have met 11 times in the World Series; six times alone between 1947 and 1956.  It's just not right, and I say we need another century or two without a re-match.  Sure the TV network will make a ton of moola if the country's two largest television markets play host to the contest but it sure will be a lot more fun for those of us in the hinterlands who root for underdogs like the Cubs or Astros if the Series is Dodger and Yankee free.  We want a central time zone World Series!

I do believe, like most men of my years, we are happy to have known some good women, a great cigar or two, the inside of a Corvette, the bottom of a glass of Jack Daniels and, with luck, another World Series that is Dodger and Yankee free.

Cubs!  Astros!

YES!

NO!

HELL NO!

They've had quite enough, thank you!

TRIX Is For....Kids?

Trix is for ADULTS, damnit!  And, I am happy to report that the good General at General Mills finally sobered up long enough to realize that doing away with all that beautiful artificial goodness a person could heretofore find in that wonderful box featuring the "silly rabbit" is now back  where it belongs.  In case you hadn't noticed, some nitwit V.P. in Minneapolis (they are decidedly bossy in that frozen outpost) decided a couple of years back that the company might score some points with health conscience moms by doing away with all the brightly colored dyes and chemicals that made the product so appealing to sugar aficionados and replaced them with...uh, "natural" coloring that looked like your basic rabbits turds.  Don't kid yourself stuck up V.P.!  It wasn't the little tykes eating your highly addictive product, it was ADULTS.  Face it,  Captain Crunch, Lucky Charms and Trix have been the only way some of us over the age of 12 have been able to take care of our sugar jones through the years.  If you had kids it was pretty easy to pull off.  All that was needed was a minute or two when the wife's back was turned and the day was off to a grand start.  Of course after the kids were grown it took a good deal more stealth and deception, but it was worth it.

I'm going to cut this short as we've just received word here at  Bad Diet Central that the new, beautiful and practically 100% pure candy breakfast treat that is the original TRIX is now back on supermarket shelves and practically glowing in the dark with iridescent fake color goodness.  Time to start the car!

Does anyone remember, is it red or white wine with Trix?

Eat Me!